Forbidding Me is only Killing Me
by Lesageroon519
Summary: He wasn't questioning this feeling anymore, he was more confused as to how he was feeling it. He wasn't supposed to be feeling this. He wasn't programmed to feel this towards anyone but her. So why him? Why him of all the damned people...


_**This is an angsty and troubled story. If you are sensitive to any of these subjects, do not read:**_

 _ **Rape**_

 _ **Selfharm**_

 _ **Depression**_

 _ **Solitude**_

 _ **Murder**_

 _ **Suicude**_

 _ **sex/smut**_

 _ **I do hope I get to enjoy another story with you guys! Enjoy, and feedback/reviews are always welcomed!**_

What is forbidden love? Is it the act of being in love with someone that is regarded as harmful? Or perhaps someone that people tell you and advise you to not get involved with? Or is it someone that you...can't love. That you weren't ever suppose to love. That is forbidden Love. Love that is not meant to be. But what if you were able to get past those hardships and fight through anything and everything that tried pulling you apart? Would it be destined love at that point?

" _Sinful and forbidden pleasures are like poisoned bread; they may satisfy appetite for the moment, but there is death in them at the end."_

 _Tryon Edwards_

 _Forbidding me Is Only Killing Me_

 _F.M.I.O.K.M_

None of the above codes made any sense to his mind as he typed away, fingers skimming over each and every key on his keyboard, the sound of clicking radiated around him, his glasses reflecting his screen in a mirror image, teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as his bright eyes flicked to the time, which warned him of his soon approaching deadline. If this wasn't finished by then, then his superior really would have his ass this time. A shock to the side, the stomach and he'd be tempted to do one right to his throat, but the hacker knew he'd be able to tempt himself from damaging him too much, knowing they needed him. Then again, did the agency really need him? His boss always said that he was only good at hacking. If this ability somehow left him, what would happen? Would he be thrown away and left to rot in an alley with big wild rats that would chew on him until they would be satisfied, although the redhead didn't mind very much if it meant he could satisfy someone.

"Oohn?" a coo escaped his lips once he pressed enter, seeing multiple things pop up on his screen and show an assortment of things flashing quickly before his eyes, a grin on his face, leaning back in his comfortable swivel chair, hand holding a can of Dr. Pepper to his lips, the liquid stinging the back of his dry throat but other than that giving him the pleasuring taste he needed. A picture of an older man appeared in his screen and he stopped his drinking, leaning forward in his seat while adjusting his glasses, smirking.

"Ahh...haha. Guess you can't hide forever. I. found. You. Mr. businessman~" his words slipped from his tongue in a teasing manner, fingers scrolling to the bottom of his screen before clicking a blue icon, sending whatever was on his screen to the male who had requested of the information. As if on cue, the door slammed open and the lights flicked on, causing the hacker to hiss and shield his eyes from the sudden lighting around him, hearing the familiar heavy footsteps making their way to him. Once the footsteps stopped, he grinned and spun around to face the brunette, lifting his arms up and slowly folding them behind his head nonchalantly, crossing one leg over his knee. "Ah, Miss Vanderwood! I was starting to think I had to clean my own house today and it was worrying me," he teased.

The older male with brown hair stood their, tapping his foot as he had a scowl, shaking his head. "I was so close to coming in here to taze your ass but you submitted as soon as I got here. I'm tempted to taze you just for the hell of it, Seven."

Sevens feet planted to the floor and he pushed off, causing his chair to roll near Vanderwood, his eyes wide and innocent as he smiled. "Awe, but you wouldn't taze lil' ol' me, now would ya? I finished my assignment. Which means I've been good and you owe me something."

"I'm not wasting my money on buying you chips that'll have your attention longer than your assignment ever will. For hell's sake, you got this assignment three months ago and you just barely started it yesterday and finished three seconds before the deadline." He ran his fingers through light brown hair, shaking his head as he looked around. "As for your house, it's not even messy so I don't need to clean it. I'm leaving."

"No you can't leave, you just got here! " Seven complained, frowning.

"I have no use in staying here…" his words trailed off when he saw Seven blink and stand from his chair with a blank expression, walking over to his nightstand where a glass of water stood. He cocked his hip out, harshly bumping the nightstand and causing the glass to fall over and shatter, sharps of glass and water spilling everywhere. "Oops! I might cut myself on accident if it doesn't get picked up." He went to the livingroom and swung his foot, knocking a bowl of his chips down to the floor. "Oh no! How clumsy of me!" His swift movements continued as Vanderwood chased him about, Seven creating a mess similar to a hurricane in his room. Vanderwood tackled him to the ground, growling as he looked around. "Knock it off! Alright I'll clean but stop that shit!"

Seven laughed and pretended to be in distress, placing the back of his hand on his forehead. "Oh boy oh boy! How could I ever repay Madam Vanderwood for cleaning up the mess I made from being too clumsy!" He closed both eyes before opening one and peeking up at the male as he stood up, rolling his sleeves up.

"Repay me? Repay me?! If you want to repay me then get your assignments done on time, you crazy bastard," he shot back, cleaning up the clothes from Seven's laundry basket which had spilled over in the chase. Seven stood up and stretched, popping his back in the process of doing so. The watch he wore on his wrist beeped and his eyes sparkled.

"Oh! That's my call to go!" he stated, pulling on his Timberlands and smiling widely, running to the door as he pulled on his jacket, which was too many sizes big for him, and his small backpack with some of the gear he would need. Before vanderwood could speak, the nerdy redhead was gone and out the doors, running and not bothering to take a vehicle, finding it more time consuming to get it started. He ran through streets as car horns honked at him, his smile mischievous and stuck to his face as if it were glued on and showing no sign of coming off. The hacker had been waiting all week for this, he knew it would definitely be the highlights of his week. Soon, arriving to his destination, he gripped the black, steel bars of the tall gate and climbed over it effortlessly, throwing himself over and landing on his feet, quickly running up the hill and avoiding any men that were roaming and inspecting the outside to avoid something similar to this situation from happening. But, obviously, that was not going to stop the hacker. He took off his backpack and hid behind a bush, sitting down cross legged, laptop now in his lap while fingers typed away furiously in an effort to beat time and be able to feel successful. Just this one time for this mission. No mission that was taken seriously by anyone other than him and a certain ravenette.

"Ahaha…" he let out, shrugging his shoulders happily before setting the laptop down, standing up and pulling gloves on as well as a black mask that covered his mouth and nose. "Three...two…..one.." he counted down along with his laptop and he glanced to the first floor, seeing the lights go out, indicating he was able to shut off all power. "Showtime.." He quickly made sure his gloves were sticking, placing both hands against the side of the building and beginning to climb up, smiling like an idiot even more so than before. He passed the second floor, then the third, now approaching the fourth. He looked through the big glass wall, seeing the couch and TV which connected to the kitchen and dining room. His eyes skimmed the dim room before they stuck to his destination, chuckling as he moved himself to a vent that lead outside, placing a small robotic lizard in it. "Make daddy proud," he whispered, seeing the lizard move quickly and swiftly, running off and into the house. Quickly, Seven began to move sideways towards the bedroom, seeing the lizard go up to the glass, moving its tail to point to the window, sharpening and slowly cutting into it, tail stretching and creating a big circle. Seven placed one hand on the glass and popped it out, pushing it in and stepping inside, setting the tall circle shaped glass piece down and removing his gloves, setting them down with a grin, making his way into the livingroom to see the beautiful white fluff ball he was searching for, squatting next to the sofa and petting her head, dragging his hand down her back and gently rubbing her tail.

"Awe, my pretty lil' angel, has daddy been keeping you cooped up in here all alone again?" he sat on the floor and removed her from the couch, setting her in his lap, her big blue eyes staring up into golden eyes as she purred. "See? Daddy says you don't like me and think of me as abusive but that isn't true now, is it? You're purring so happily!" he let his fingers curl into her white fur, brushing through it. "So cute~ Elly, my princess-"

"Get your hands off of her, Luciel," a deep, silky voice stated and Seven looked over his shoulder to see a tall male, steel nightsky eyes burning with anger. He smiled cheesily as he held the cat to his face, nuzzling her as she let out a soft meow.

"Awe, look! Cat Mom is home! Did you have a good day at work, sweety?" He asked in a playful tone. Jumin narrowed his eyes and made his way over to the male, clearing his throat.

"I can't believe you go through the trouble of breaking into my home just to touch my princess. I know she is definitely worth it, but I catch you every single time," he said before taking the cat from him, petting her and causing her purring to get louder. A soft sigh escaped him. "I really need to find a hacker that can outdo you.."

"Impossible!" Seven stated, folding his arms. "If you think any hacker could ever be better than me, I feel wounded! How could you say such things!" he said dramatically, covering his eyes and peeking through his fingers at the male who gave him a deadpan look, probably thinking that he had gotten dumber just by listening to the male.

"I'm starting to feel like IQ has nothing to do with intelligence because you may be smart, but you are, with no doubt, the dumbest person I have ever met. And that is saying a lot considering the fact that I know Zen and Yoosung."

Seven moved his hands and settled them on his hips, which swayed back and forth. Jumin went to him and gripped the hood of his jacket, eyes scanning it before looking at seven. "What is the point in getting something that is about three sizes bigger than you need?"

"It's my comfortable jacket, what can i say?" He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows, winking. "How about you try getting clothes that don't fit so perfectly on that tight body of yours, hm?"

Jumin blinked as Seven smirked more, knowing the ravenette was not expecting those words from him. Unexpectedly, Jumin looked himself up and down, continuing to hold his cat. "Are tight clothing not my thing? I would think it would be more professional of me to wear something like this.." His eyes met golden ones as he clicked his tongue to the roof of his mouth. "Hum…" he tilted his head to the side slowly. "You never show your arms. It's rather annoying. Especially in the summer. You're always in that jacket. Don't you have sweaters that go down to your elbows?"

Seven's arms moved so he was hugging himself, an uncertain look upon his face. His arms? Never showing them? Well, he knew that. He wasn't planning on showing his arms anytime soon. He would admit to that. But there were reasons as to why he wouldn't do such a thing in front of the members. But one day he would have to wear his clothes without his jacket. It was the truth. A fact that the redhead didn't want to admit to. "Hm. I do. I wear shirts that always go to my elbows. But i wear my coat over them." He winked and acted as if he was covering his body. "It's only because I'm so insecure about my chubby body," he pouted. Jumin raised a brow, indicating that he wasn't convinced by this statement. He reached over and grabbed Seven's shirt, tugging it up to reveal the light, toned stomach of the man.

Jumin snickered before letting the shirt fall from his grasp. "Yeah. That's the nicest body I've seen someone who claims to be chubby have." He rolled his eyes and set Elizabeth down as he fixed the cuffs of his sleeves. "Now. I'm really busy. So please leave. Next time I find you in my house without permission I'll give you a reason to never come back."

"So...I'm allowed here with permission?" he asked sweetly before Jumin rolled his eyes.

"Get out."

Seven laughed dryly, feeling a slight sting to his heart before retreating to the bedroom, going out through the hole in Jumin's window, slowly climbing down until he was seated back down on ground level. "He may be a sexy CEO but he sure is a damn jerk," he muttered, his smile long gone as an expressionless face seemed to take place. He gathered his things back into his bag, walking away from the penthouse, giving it one glance over his shoulder.

Yes, it sure was true that the hacker knew his life, as for everyone else's lives, was a big lie. Nothing was real and he meant that in a literal sense, not a metaphorical one. He knew of what the end of the next two weeks was suppose to be like. Who would have happiness and who would have heartbreak, who would get hurt or not. Things like that seemed normal to him. He knew everything. 707. 707 identities..also a supposed glitch. He was a somewhat threat to her little game. But she didn't know that. And he hardly did either. It wasn't like he was trying to ruin it, though. That wasn't the case. In fact, it was far from it. Everyone was programmed for a reason. Was programmed to have a purpose. Everyone was programmed to love or care for MC in a way. Jaehee was programmed to love both MC and Zen, but in different ways. Yoosung was suppose to love MC and Rika..but in different ways. Zen was suppose to love MC, no one else. Jumin was suppose to Love his cat and MC, but in different ways. And him? He was suppose to love MC, obviously (true ending, duh), but he was also protective and caring towards everyone else, more than they were to him. Of course he didn't mind loving just MC. He was meant for it. They were meant for eachother. MC was meant to take away all of their pain for the time that they had. Yoosung would learn to love and move on, Zen would find someone truthful to him, Jaehee would find a companion and someone who could push the pain away, Jumin would find true love and compassion, and he would find someone who stuck by him. Through thick and thin, to help him find what mattered most to him. But that happiness...that joy would only last for however long MC wanted it to. So, at some point, someone would eventually lose their happiness…..but not remember it. But Seven would. He'd be able to remember each and everyone's happiness. Even his. What he hated was seeing his friends lose happiness, then act like they had never felt it. It hurt him. More than anything. But he would never say anything about it. How could he? How could he be so selfish and break the game? He couldn't do that to all the others. It wouldn't be fair.

This is how it was for him.

To be unhappy.

From the very beginning..

This is how it was. And he had just come to live with it.

Well, when no one was playing, they lived normal lives for most parts. It was actually decent half the time. But deep down, seven wasn't a naturally happy person. He never was. Actually, that's a lie. He was once happy. Truly happy. Even if he had lived in those poor unstable conditions, he was still happy protecting the one that he loved.

 _Saeran._

"Where are you now, Saeran?" Seven whispered to himself as he laid on the roof, reaching up towards the starry night sky as the light breeze blew through his hair and across his skin. "I've searched everywhere...V says you're safe but….lately….I'm doubtful…" He clenched his hand in a fist and placed it on his chest where his heart was, feeling it softly beat. "Please be safe. Wherever you are on this planet, at least be happy and safe now, okay? Away from that horrid woman.. For good. She won't ever hurt you, hurt us, again.." His eyes closed lightly. He needed to get some rest. There was a small party tomorrow. He was actually one of the only ones attending. It was Jumin's small work party. Of course Jaehee would be there...so would MC. But that's it. Jumin had hired Seven as his company's hacker to make sure things weren't stolen. So it was fine for him to attend. He needed to get out of the house anyways.."

By the time the hacker had arrived to the office building, people were already there. People he didn't recognized conversed with the ones he did know, faces of gross men he knew all too well from research and other younger men naive and stupid. Crazy suckers… They didn't know what they were getting themselves into. His eyes scanned the area, seeing MC standing next to Jumin, smiling her pretty smile as her brown hair fell over her shoulders and back, some pieces tucked behind her light ear. Jumin had one hand in his pocket as he spoke with an older man, looking like Jumin's father, while jaehee stood on the other side of him quietly, chewing her lip. Seven gave them all a soft smile before MC turned, noticing him. She gave an innocent smile, staying next to Jumin and jaehee, whispering to her every so often and earning a slight chuckle from the other. Ah, yeah. That's right. Zen's route. Zen would be a happy man in the coming of days. It was clear. MC treated him nice.

Just as seven went to check the security cameras, a deep voice that he had heard many times on the TV and radio became audible. He looked over his shoulder, eyes glued to an older man with short brown hair and bright golden orbs, staring back at him. He continued to stare back before giving a strange smile, acting as if he didn't know the man. Quickly, he moved to where the other three stood. MC smiled happily and giggled, playfully punching him in the arm with a wink. MC always seemed so happy and genuine. Seven wondered if she was actually depressed and breaking inside like him. They were truly similar. And it was annoying.

"Have you made yourself acquainted with the guests?" Jumin asked the shorter male who smiled.

"Only the ones that seemed interesting." he said, followed by a cheesy smile. Jumin rolled his eyes as Jaehee frowned.

"I suppose everything is alright with security considering you seem very relaxed?"Jaehee asked with a soft tone, a calm smile on her face.

"Yep all good." In reality, Seven had forgotten to check the cameras but he didn't think there would be any major problems that would disturb the peace at the party. Seven glanced over his shoulder to see the man was now gone. He let out a soft breath before Jumin cleared his throat.

"Does anyone want anything to drink?" the ravenette jumped and raised his hand.

"I'll be the gentleman and get everyone drinks." He spun on his heels, making his way over to the long table that held small portions of food and snacks along with some beverages. Seven's mind was racing in all honesty. What was that man doing here? What business did he have here? It just didn't make any sense to him. He was beyond confused, he wasn't going to lie. Seven's head felt hot as he poured liquid into the small glass, his cheeks flushed. Did he notice him? Recognize him? Know him? What if he had finally found him? Seven slowly turned around with the glasses, taking a step as everything seemed to go in slow motion as he felt himself slowly falling, vision going fuzzy as his eyes narrowed, seeing a tall figure run to him, catching him right before he hit the ground, supporting his head.

Slowly, sounds began to go through Seven's ears, causing him to stir in his sleep before slowly waking up, staring at a very plain ceiling, the smell of cheap food filling his nose. He tilted his head to the left, seeing that he was connected to an IV, which stuck into his arm, the room seeming slightly darker than a usual hospital room. With a groan, he tilted his head to the right, seeing the business man sitting next to him in a comfortable looking chair, arms folded, eye open and staring at him solemnly. "You need to take better care of your health," he spoke, shifting to cross one leg over his knee. "The doctor said you are lacking the nutrition that you need and you are beyond dehydrated. All that soda you drink is only dehydrating you faster."

Seven chuckled dryly before grinning lopsidedly. "Oops," he teased before he caught Jumin's eyes glancing towards his arm multiple times. But he brushed it off, hoping the male only saw a bug.

"Is that why you wear your hoodies?" Jumin finally asked over a moment of silence.

Seven glanced at his arms, seeing the scars and some new wounds that scattered the underside of his forearms. A slight red tint covered his cheeks, feeling embarrassed and ashamed of himself for something like this. He wanted to deny it, to say the scars were only make up, but he knew Jumin was smarter than stayed quiet before the ravenette spoke up again.

"I had a feeling that was why but I hoped I was wrong. It saddens me to see you're really that unhappy with the life you're living. A body should be respected like a sacred temple, not like a damaged wall…" Jumin leaned over, placing his elbows on his knees and clasping his hands together. "Although I'm not surprised you're unhappy. I've Known for a while now.."

Seven seemed surprised by this and stared at him with wide eyes.

"Do you really think I'm this stoic and heartless?" Jumin questioned. "I'm not only the master of money, but I'm also the master of hiding behind a mask. I only show the persona I want showing when I want to. Around you guys, I am different than when I am with my father Or some employees. I've been able to decipher your fake smile from your real one. It isn't very hard…" He looked into Seven's eyes. "I'm not disturbed nor do I see you differently because you are depressed. I will say I'm more worrisome for you… But I don't judge you. Everyone has their own problems and most the time it's personal so I won't ask for and explanation."

The doctor walked in, having Jumin sign some release forms. He then helped Seven remove the IV, Seven's eyes avoiding Jumin and stuck on the visible cuts on his arms. Jumin studied him before removing his own jacket, draping it over Seven's shoulders. "Wear it properly. It'll feel more comfortable." He lead Seven down to the sleek black car, opening the door for him getting in after Seven, driver Kim starting the car and driving off. Seven's cheeks were stained red with a faint blush, feeling warm inside, his heart beating quicker as Jumin adjusted himself next to him, staring out the window and studying the things that seemed to fly by as they drove in silence. The redhead couldn't help but stay quiet, feeling this heavy pressure on his chest, his heart pounding as butterflies swarmed around his stomach. Why was he feeling this? This similar yet foreign feeling in his heart.

The car came to a sudden stop and Jumin looked at him. "This is as far as I can take you since your house is secret and I have no knowledge of where you live. I'll be checking in with you shortly...so please drink some water and eat something healthy."

"What about your jacket?" Seven questioned as he stepped out, looking at him.

"Keep it. It fits you better than your coat does."

The ravenette nodded and the door closed, car driving off in a hurry and leaving seven to stand there, pondering. He wasn't questioning this feeling anymore, he was more confused as to how he was feeling it. He wasn't supposed to be feeling this. He wasn't programmed to feel this towards anyone but her. So why him? Why him of all the damned people?!


End file.
